Commanding Myself & Taking Charge Of Change
I think it's time I step more into who I want to be, and less into who I think I should be.
I made the decision to keep building my main business — without a website, per se, instead using this Substack + my Work With Me form + my LinkTree — because I think it's time I step more into who I want to be, and less into who I think I should be.
I've written a lot about how fate-based/narrative magical work has shaped my universe, and while figuring out my way forward careerwise, I started experimenting with cross-pollinating hypersigil magic into my work with my Ancestors. That has mainly taken the form of working on developing my own tabletop game version of that prior magical experience, one that I can use for myself and with others.
One of the reasons why my first feral hypersigil came to an end was because of a world narrative shift. Towards the end of my tenure, my character was a member of an in-game spiritual order (I know, lol) of the Demon Queen (mhm), and I served as a senior representative of the Order as our event planner, diplomat, and trainee wrangler. The person who played our deity character had been MIA for a very long time except for a brief appearance now and then, so it was decided that - because I wasn't old enough to take over, and the then-Order Head didn't want to transition into the deity role full-time - we were going to play it out. I was sad and frustrated because I learned so much about myself and grew as a writer in that environment, but rules are rules.
However, my character has always stuck around in my mind, and when I finally learned what hypersigils were many years later, I had an instant recognition that I accidentally created one in my time of need...one that was significant enough that it completely altered the course of my life for almost a decade. I even very distinctly remember having a conversation with someone where I told them that "I feel like I'm leaving the best parts of myself in [my character name], until it's safe for me to be them again." I am intimately familiar with how art changes the world and art is needed now that the rails are disintegrating and we're in this supremely existential, liminal passage of being human.
Learning To Love My Whole Self
So when I finally read Sharon's notes for my Firestarter Session, I realized...oh, it's time. It’s become very clear that the seeds that I’ve planted over the years are finally starting to blossom, and I have created a life where it feels safe enough to integrate whatever magic, energy, or self-concept I seeded into that feral hypersigil 20 years.
I needed professional branding WAY more for my work as a dominatrix & artist than I do as an intuitionist — if anything, overly slick branding makes me look sus as the latter. It occurred to me that I would’ve never advocated for myself, invested in that type of support right off the bat, or even located an opportunity to receive it, had I not been in this process on this side of my life/career and releasing all of the old things I’ve done in favor of what works for me. I have historically had a very hard time prioritizing my own wants, and it feels extremely counterintuitive to do so while it feels like the world is burning, but I trust that’s what I need to do next.
My plan is to use my Substack to keep exploring my special interests and to document my new career journey, and just kinda…see where things go from here. I have no clue what that looks like and transitioning from taking these medium-long form posts off of Facebook is uh, weird, because I write so much, but I suppose we gotta do what we gotta do.
Let’s see where this goesssssss.
